"You're going to teach in that....won't that be annoying?'' Child aged 7

The concept of acceptance has always been something that I struggle with. When I was younger I felt very pressured to 'accept' my situation as if living with a long term condition after twelve years should be long enough to have felt, processed and reflected on every single emotion I could possibly feel. I now realise that it takes a long time to process and that especially when these feelings are combined with teenage hormones that this is not always easy. It would be fair to say that I suffered from depression when I was a teenager and that I wished that I could get over my issues with my disability or have problems that I could solve but because I couldn't they just went round and round in my head and my only choice was to feel it or completely ignore it.


I think acceptance is such a definitive term  and I've often felt that to accept my situation would mean ignoring how it affects me. I believe that I will always have issues with my disability not because 'I'm in denial' but just because it shapes my day to day life enourmously and there are times when I just feel 'how can this be okay with me?' and 'how can this be my normal?'. Although I doubt that this feeling will ever go away, I do feel more at peace with my condition and the way I am than I ever have before. This was compounded when I watched the Paralympics and for the first time in my life I felt a sense of pride in being disabled that I've never felt before as finally I saw a very positive representation of disabled people. I hope that these games leave a positive legacy and are the springboard that we needed to improve people's attitudes towards disability.

"I suppose you don't know any different?"

One of my biggest bug bears is this comment. It is as if I can't have any emotions towards not walking because I have never physically done it and therefore how can I feel anything towards it. I am always amazed at the lack of thought in this remark. It is almost as if I do not have the right to be frustrated by my disability because I have never walked so how can I miss it or have any negative thoughts towards it.
I was born into a world that wasn't made for me and are reminded of this constantly. I am sure that even when I was very young, I always knew that not walking was not the norm and that my situation was different. I went to mainstream schools where all my friends could run around, do the monkey bars and climb stairs. Therefore I was very aware that I was different though I may not have been able to verbalise how it made me feel. I think it's incredibly naive of adults to assume that disabled children and people are oblivious to their situation. After all, many people would find it unacceptable to assume that if you have always struggled with money you cant possibly feel that having more would ease your financial situation and that 'you don't know any different'

One of my favourite comments from a child this summer occurred whilst working at a playscheme. It was a horrible wet day and all of the  children had managed to escape the rain by using the stairs inside the building but I had to go around the outside and as a result got rather wet. When I came inside, a child saw me and when she noticed that I was soaked, she said 'it's not very lucky being in that is it because you can't use the stairs so you get wet'  so I said 'yeah that's true' and then she said 'but do you know what is lucky? You get to use the ramps!' this comment made me smile for days afterwards as it is this acute awareness of disability that is so lovely to see developing in children. It is also one that I find adults rarely have.

Adult reactions are often so extreme. Either I'm presented as some kind of heroic creature or people feel they can ask me really personal questions any time they choose. Whilst I accept that many people have not come across disabilities, are scared to offend me or want to show genuine admiration, there is a level of ignorance that I face more and more in my adult life which is hard for me to be sympathetic towards. I don't think people realise when they say one little comment that the words they use have any long - lasting effect on me but they do.  For example, 'if you can get a job, I definitely can' a well meaning comment I know but not the best choice of words.