"I'm normal at St Gideon's"

I avoided watching last weeks episode of Call the Midwife as I knew that it was about a lady with Down's syndrome becoming pregnant and was not sure if I could handle hearing the attitudes towards disability from the 1950s played out in front of me without getting upset. My avoidance lasted all of five days before curiosity got the better of me and I found myself watching the episode on Iplayer. You see, as much as I struggle to be faced with topics that are close to home, I also do not like being beaten by my emotions and I wanted to see how it was presented. In order to convince myself to watch it I remember thinking as it's about Down's syndrome it shouldn't be that hard for me to watch but then five minutes into the episode I saw Jacob and within seconds knew that he had Cerebral Palsy (I can spot the signs quite quickly) and therefore my previous thoughts weren't quite as true as I'd hoped.
 I can't deny that I found some parts very hard to watch particularly the scene with Jacob on the bus where he was not understood due to his speech impairment and the scene where he was given a cup of tea in a cup that he was unable to use. I have been in very similar situations myself and therefore I identify with them completely.  It was painful to revisit these experiences through the portrayal of this character and yet in a way I was happy that this was being represented on T.V.
 I guess I just don't know how to react to seeing other people with Cerebral Palsy or how I'm supposed to feel when I do, because although I do identify with it I'm used to living in a very able bodied world and do not know how to process this sudden immersion into the world of Cerebral Palsy. I'd love to feel comfortable going between the two but I struggle to know where I belong. In the able bodied world in which my friends and family are a part of but where I have to minimise my disabled self or the world of Cerebral Palsy that would provide me with a wealth of shared experience that I would love to have but where I fear my condition would become a defining feature of who I am seen to be. But then, is that really so bad?