The concept of acceptance has always been something that I struggle with. When I was younger I felt very pressured to 'accept' my situation as if living with a long term condition after twelve years should be long enough to have felt, processed and reflected on every single emotion I could possibly feel. I now realise that it takes a long time to process and that especially when these feelings are combined with teenage hormones that this is not always easy. It would be fair to say that I suffered from depression when I was a teenager and that I wished that I could get over my issues with my disability or have problems that I could solve but because I couldn't they just went round and round in my head and my only choice was to feel it or completely ignore it.
I think acceptance is such a definitive term and I've often felt that to accept my situation would mean ignoring how it affects me. I believe that I will always have issues with my disability not because 'I'm in denial' but just because it shapes my day to day life enourmously and there are times when I just feel 'how can this be okay with me?' and 'how can this be my normal?'. Although I doubt that this feeling will ever go away, I do feel more at peace with my condition and the way I am than I ever have before. This was compounded when I watched the Paralympics and for the first time in my life I felt a sense of pride in being disabled that I've never felt before as finally I saw a very positive representation of disabled people. I hope that these games leave a positive legacy and are the springboard that we needed to improve people's attitudes towards disability.
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